POST TIME: 1 November, 2019 00:00 00 AM
Parents fighting in front of children and its disastrous effects
Dr. Sayed Inam

Parents fighting in front of children and its disastrous effects

Kids learn by observing their parents, even when those aren't intentionally trying to teach them anything. Growing kids are just the reflection of their parents. Good parenting is a powerful skill and mandatory for kids sound socio-psychological development.

Parents may believe they are giving their children all the love they need, but they send a conflicting message when they fighting with each other. Kids mind is highly sensitive to the interaction between parents, especially during infancy and early childhood.

Child see his or her parents fight constantly, but sleep in the same bed every night. These contradictory activities put a wrong massage to child's thought. When a child is left with such unexplained contradictions, he or she often come up with a incomplete or incorrect conclusions.  Children of all ages can be affected by destructive inter-parental conflict.

Ther are few of the signs which indicate that a kids is affected by parents fighting:

1)     The child Becomes absolutely quiet.

2)     Starts crying the minute he sees his parents arguing.

3)     Looks scared when he sees his parents shout and yell at each other.

4)     Blame himself when his parents start to argue and fight.

5)     Tends to fight with his peers and not get along with other kids.

6)     Shows signs of depression, being away from his parents, self harm, suicidal attempt.

7)     School and other extra-curricular activities slows down.

8)     May frequently complain of headaches, stomach aches or some other health issue to divert the parents’ attention from fighting.

What parents need to do?

Often ego seen as a source of conflict. But truth is where there is genuine love and care, there is no room for ego.

1.     Respect each other in front of your children.

2.     Never fight in front of your children.

3.     Don’t create a situation which would require your child to take sides.

4.     Be mindful of the language and tone you use with each other

5.     Talk to children about arguments and differences in opinions.

6.     Don’t involve your children when you are arguing with each other. Don’t make it about them

7.     If you do happen to fight in front of your children, Show them how to resolve conflicts.

8.     Keep ego out of the argument and never play the blame game.

If disagreement unavoidable, you might take these steps:

1)     Reassure the children that it was just an argument.

2)     Discuss the fight.

3)     Finish it up by making sure the children understand that you’re still a strong family.

4)     Try to resolve your arguments when they first start to arise.

6)     Try to not lose your temper in front of your child, and apologise when you do.

7)     Make sure never to involve the child in your arguments.

8)     Avoid talking ill and  bad language about a person in front of your child.

Conflicts and disagreements are part of conjugal life. It is completely understandable that a couple can have disagreements, but the important thing is to work them out amicably and come out with constructive solutions.  Parents must understand how their fighting can affect their children’s well-being, world-views and personality; this is why they must ensure that all fighting and arguing in front of children is done in a manner that does not affect them adversely.

 The writer is a psychiatrist