The art of the pick-up

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Friday Features

Friday, 03 February 2012

Author / Source : Katerina Don

The men sat solemnly in plastic chairs waiting for the Master of the Game to arrive. He was rumored to have incredible powers – it was even said that he had been with real top models. The men sat and stared out the window into the spring. They did not talk to each other, but had in their minds picked out the alphas from the betas in the group. When the Master of the Game walked into the room the alphas retreated into their usual positions as followers.
“Enough. Enough fear, enough pain, enough rejection. From this day on you will TAKE what you want. You will HAVE what you want. Let the game begin!”. The seminarists, with their pens at the ready, wrote down the Masters opening line. The pickup seminar began. 
The dark art of seduction has always been full of mystery. Cryptic and detailed, it is made of a thousand different elements from lingering scents to the whisper. But it was when seduction, social psychology, and Dungeon and Dragons fused together that one of the strangest subcultures evolved – the seduction community otherwise known as the pick-up artists.
The pickup community is active online, with forums with a structured hierarchy, where men come together to discuss the many tricks of “getting women”. All over the world Game Masters conduct seminars which cost from $100 up, to teach men to be at ease around females. But what secrets do these masters have? Do they have a potion or a crack code that will break down all the barriers and win the ultimate prize? What is the ultimate prize for these men? The princess in the tower? Her heart and hand? Her submission?
I had a sneak peek into this community when Eclipse gum organized a two day seminar at an office where I was working. The seminar was part of a project titled “Don’t sleep alone” which hosts all sorts of “mingling” events, promotes chewing gum and favourable encounters. Fair game in the advertising world. Bad sense in the private life.
As I sat at the front desk watching the men come in I noticed that they were all very well to do. They were arrogant in their manners, and flashy in their clothes. But most of all they were awkward in their communication skills. At first they refused to acknowledge my presence. After a couple of hours with the master they filed out for a break. Now they were relaxed, excited, even giddy as they considered all the tricks that they had learnt.
“Hi, where can I get some water around here?” He asked his belt buckle huge, obnoxious and in my face. I looked up and pointed to the water cooler behind him.
“Thank you. You are so kind. So what is this place, an English school?” he throws the line.
I stare into the computer and consider putting on Madona’s Like a Virgin on full volume. I decide not to. “Yes it is. An English school. Would you like to sign up?”
“Are you the teacher?”
I hold back the laughter. “No, I’m a secretary.”
“That’s too bad. I would sign up if you were the teacher.”
I bite myself to keep from laughing. He goes back to the group and giggles with the boys.
What these men go through is a mixture of confidence boosts, social psychology training, and field work. They learn to value themselves and look at women as objects who are only worth as much as a man will value them. “When you look at a girl in a bar,” preaches the Master “and you think WOW! But you feel scared to approach her, consider this – what are the chances that she is the woman of your dreams? Make a list, go ahead, of all the qualities that you look for in a woman. She must be beautiful, she must be smart, she must be charming and get along with mother, she must be able to have a conversation and get along with my friends, she must be a good cook and be wise enough to appreciate silence. So what are the chances that this WOW! Girl at the bar has all of the qualities that you are looking for? The chances are slim. So there is nothing to fear, because there is nothing to lose. So what are you waiting for? Take what you want!”
The men almost grunt as they scribble down the words. Some turn and glare at me as if trying to say ‘you are nothing to me, and I have nothing to loose.’
There is a break. I walk over to their conference room where the seminarists are chatting, eagerly exchanging notes. I start moving a book shelf to make more room for their chairs. It is heavy and I have a hard time getting it to move. The men watch me struggle with the furniture and chatter on. One comes over and asks if there is anything good to read. I look at him and tell him that there is Oscar Wilde and his Woman of No Importance.  The reference flies over his head, he leaves, I struggle on.
At the end of the day the eager almost-players get ready for their big night out. This is the ultimate test and the ones that are successful will have a life-time supply of chewing gum.  I have mixed emotions for these men. They evoke in me at once sadness and anger. What kind of insecurity and complex can drive a man to believe that women are like video games with codes and tricks and a prize at the end? What happened to etiquette courses and the importance of being earnest? These pick-up artists do not even value so much the “hunt” as they do the process of devising plans, sketching stratagems and discussing methods.
The next morning they come back for round 2. Most are deflated. The winner is chewing loudly.

The author is a feature writer
for The Independent